melancholy...
I'm all out of sorts today... For one reason or another I just don't feel like myself. There is something missing and joy seems to be gone. Is this rational? Is this normal? Should my emotions always be in such flux that I never know what to expect upon waking? I was okay this morning and actually had a great wake up dance session in the shower listening to Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros on Pandora... Great station by the way... Then it all kinda pooped on me. I don't look for the shit, it just happens to be in my direct path. And this isn't the oh woe as me posting... Just a vent session. I know we've all be there so this is just the day it rains on me. I didn't go the the gym this morning and it was wonderful to just sleep... SLEEP! I have forgotten what it feels like to have a full night's rest. I'm still sore from a hard workout yesterday... running to the gym and then working out and then working all day. I went to my parent's house last night and had dinner and finished my taxes. It was a nice evening to just hang out and shoot the shit with my folks. I miss them. I even played Farmville with my mother... lol... it's her account and I just farmed her land and harvested her fruit for her. I'm still not joining the Farmville cult, but it was nice to spend that time with my mom. So taxes are done, bills are getting paid and I'm pretty much on top of things for now. Just battling with this uneasy and unsettling feeling that I have right now. I can't figure it out and I really hope it goes away soon. I think it's just plain old not knowing and not feeling secure with life right now. It's the feeling I get everyday as I walk around the office and head down the hallway to return to my desk. I look out the windows ahead of me and imagine the earth stopping and everything is ripped from the ground and is hurled up towards the infinite void of space. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know what the future holds, but I really hope I figure out what I want soon so this feeling dissipates.
To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is to be ridiculous. ~ Chinese Proverb
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